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Wednesday, March 01, 2006
i shall attempt to be the cheerful me in the first half of this post.
my sister got her alevel results today! and she smsed me this "HEY. I got 4As and 2Ds for my s paper. A2 for my gp. Yay!" i looked at it then at first i thought the D was for grade D. then i realised no! it stands for distinction and then i was very happy. A for a 4 main papers and distinction for her 2 S papers and A2 for GP! if she cant get a scholarship hmmm. i wonder who can. hopefully she'll be able to get into LSE.
just saw the 630 news on channel8. and it got my sister and i really pissed. because they showed only hwachong and didnt show rj. when rj did like a thousand and one times better. my sis said that hodge said "im glad to say that this year is the best in 25 years" or something like that. hoho.
i guess we'll be going to fullerton this weekend and try the chocolate buffet! drools. march is a good month!
oh and uh, if you wanna know what i want for my birthday i will be putting up my wishlist on march15 after i come back from camp! yay. then you can get me what i want. grins. but of course, anything else will do perfectly fine. cards. =)
i would suggest you stop reading. i think it will kill your happiness somewhat. and i dont want to kill your happiness. (: be happy. ha i cant believe im actually saying that now.
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damn it. i feel like breaking down.
saw you today at the mrt station with your bunch of friends. if i can call them friends. and then you turned and looked at me. and your eyes were empty and cold and i dont know. but behind it i saw hurt and pain like you were lost and did not know what to do. and your eyes just said everything and i couldnt take it anymore so i turned and walked away quickly.
and i felt like crying so badly. i managed to control them but then, i passed by kfc. and brandon and jon were there because apparently they met up to discuss some stuff. and brandon ran out to call me. i guess he saw my expression so he asked me to join them for a while and started asking what's wrong. and i buried my head in my hands and just started crying like crap. shit, im becoming an emo freak. i just couldnt take it anymore. then they talked to me and prayed with me and though i still felt rather terrible, i felt much better. thanks so much guys. you guys were God-sent.
i cant stand it. ive said "i commit everything into Your mighty hands Lord" a lot of times in my prayers. but it's just so hard to do that this time round. everytime i begin to leave it to God, something will happen. either i see you, or i hear about you or just something that reminds me of you. dang. it starts all over again. it sucks. and when i am unable to commit everything into His hands, at times i will start to feel spiritually dry. and everything starts screwing up. and with all the commitments i have and the amount of homework and summative assesments. it's so hard to just find 1 hour to sit at my table, read my bible, pray and just speak to Him.
this is the worst time ever.
if i should break down. it should be because of the pile of homework sitting happily on my table. it should be because of the up and coming assesments. it should be because of the many additional commitments that i have taken on this year. but no, school never gets me down. i dont know why. i feel stressed about school rarely. and i never feel like breaking down because of the stress from school.
i wish i can face this with how i face school. but it's so hard. school is part of my life, but it is not a major part of my life. but you are. you are my friend. you are my brother-in-christ. and i cannot just sit there and do nothing while i see you sink deeper and deeper and wander further and further away. it's impossible for me to do that.
shit. what the hell am i supposed to do.
i dont want to break down.
but my heart overrules my mind.
damnit.
simplicity.
*****
simple facts
peiling
30 march
christian
tnsrgs
